we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize