I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
