I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
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I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
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I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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