dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
