my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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