Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
