I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
