Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
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Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
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Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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