She is in my trunk
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Randomize
