Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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