Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
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