I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
