he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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