At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
