I'm eating all of the evidence.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
