Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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