Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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