Plan B is the new Plan A
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
