the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
