i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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