If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
