I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
