You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
