i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
