How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
