They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
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Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
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You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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