Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
