you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
