i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He has the fingertips of a God
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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