i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
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You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
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Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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