; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
