Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
