Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
