it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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