So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
