my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
