she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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