was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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