i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
