we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
