Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
there is glitter all over my balls
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
