I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
