had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
