three words: i give head
three words: not that well
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
