you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
