did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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