some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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