I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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