i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
