call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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