areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
