White coat. Heels.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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