She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
