The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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