Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
When are your genitals available?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You ate ashes out of my bong
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
