I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
