Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
