there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
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