theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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