put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
