I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
