Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You have to summon your inner elephant
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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