No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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