I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
