Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
