he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
