I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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