I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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