careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
