Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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