so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
