I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
