glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
