do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
