my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Randomize
