My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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