i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
