nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
